Diary Entry

I feel like writing, so here I am doing what I feel. I don't have anything particularly striking to jot down right now. I want to let it flow and see what comes. I guess I'll start by talking about what's been running through me lately. What have I been doing.

Well, today I went to my internship. I drove to the Rockridge area, to part and take the bus into Berkeley, which would be more efficient I have been told. I'm starting to figure my way around this enormous place called the East Bay. It's getting more familiar, but I still don't even know the right exits to take. I just go in the general area and then figure it out....? I don't know why I do this. I guess I like to feel that I know where I am, and feel that I have it figured out, when in reality I only half know the ins and outs of this area. Anyway, I parked and then I went to the store, and bought something that I needed.

In retrospect, I feel so foreign. I'm not sure whether or not I should smile at people. I don't understand why we are supposed to ignore each other, but almost everyone acts like it. And, when I want to smile I think about maybe I am giving off the wrong message, especially to men, because smiling is so foreign to everyone.

Maybe this is why I feel foreign, because I feel good about life, and a lot of other's do not show it. Or our society does not encourage it. We are supposed to be stressed, because our society tells us that life is about getting money! And, getting money is stressful. For me it is that's for sure. Life is not a business, jeeez.

Things are just the way they are, and there is no way around it.

I'm realizing more and more that life is about constantly trying to be comfortable in any given situation. Life is a constant struggle. It is only natural. All animals on earth are constantly fighting for their lives, running for their food, and caring for their families. This is the way it is. So as a human race we must constantly find comfort in our own struggles. If not we become crazy, stressed out, or depressed. Our brains let us figure out the puzzles of the struggle. It's like a maze we've created for ourselves and each other. Yet, we have to do it.

Somewhere, on a documentary about emotions I think, I heard that we need conflict in our lives. This resonated with me. If we do, then we do. And, if we have it so prevalently, then we must need it. I believe that. If we felt that everything was truly perfect all the time, why would we clean our houses or build new buildings? Why would we create without an ounce of conflict, which compels that creation within us?

If the Big Bang occurred, that would have been a harsh convergence of elements, not a gentle melting of them. The earth created mountains when plates of the crust crashed into each other. These are somewhat violent occurrences, which have made our planet.

Conflict is necessary, so we should not be afraid from it, but run deeply into it and understand that it holds the same beauty as love.

Haven't you heard that there is a thin line between love and hate? It's true I've felt it. The conflict and the struggle is like the other side of the yin, which is love and kindness.

Duality.

Isn't it interesting how I could keep writing until I've come to the same point? It's constantly like this. There is so much that we exist with down here on earth, but when our higher minds begin to think about all this stuff, and process it a bit, it begins to become less and less stuff, ending ultimately in a point. This is the same point, which one will always end up at. The conclusion that points up to the sky to the wonder, to the questions of life.